i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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