Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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