2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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