first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
