Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sorry my hands just texted you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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