ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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