You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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