new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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