if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
