He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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