cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize