so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
