I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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