I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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