Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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