it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
