his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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