you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
