So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize