nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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