we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
