Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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