I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
