What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I understand Curling. That high.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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