I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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