exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
