literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
