i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
