Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
