hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
