clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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