so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize