So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
