at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She bit a glass in half.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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