fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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