I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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