ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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