Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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