don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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