So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize