when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
