Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How does it feel to date your dad?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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