i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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