chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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