Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
