Do you still have your period?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
