wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
