Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
