I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
