I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
