You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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