mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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