he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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