Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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