hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
