I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
