can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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