Where is the hickey?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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