just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
