Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
