Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The best revenge is premature balding
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
