Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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