Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
