nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
