my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
