I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Terrible idea I love it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
