We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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