so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
