If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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