some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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