My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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