Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
barbara walters just said penis...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
