i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
