I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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