All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize