I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize